To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root.

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“And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”

 

Those words of my favourite poet, Kahlil Gibran, perfectly describe the special sweet friendship shared by Janet and me for over sixty years.

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It was through our husbands and the Barbados Polo Club that we first came to know each other in 1965, as our men were both playing members.  Trevor and Janet were a young married couple and their children would come to polo afternoons at the club - Niki was 9, Roddy 7 and Juliette was just 5.  I was completely new to the polo scene, just about to start off married life with my handsome Tony and begin a family of our own.  I remember how stunningly beautiful Janet was, with her long raven hair sometimes worn in a single thick braid over her shoulder.  I admired how she always looked so stylish.  She was always warm and friendly, we hit it off from the very start.  Although Janet was 11 years older than me, we never noticed the age difference.  She took me under her wing, so to speak. 

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Little did we know then how entwined our lives would become, and that we would share a life-long bond born out of tragedies and heartbreak on the one hand, and happiness and joy on the other.

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Janet and I were both married when we were only 18 years young - she to her first love Trevor Davis in 1954, me to my first love Tony Archer in 1966.  We both enjoyed a very happy married life as young couples raising our families in Barbados.  Tony and I lived on the south coast, and I still remember the Sunday afternoon drives to the countryside with our young ones to visit them at the 17th century Colleton Plantation Great House in St. John when Trevor was the Manager of the sugar-cane plantation there.  Janet always insisted on serving up an impromptu supper, and we never went back home without Trevor giving us bags of some home-grown produce. 

 

Being “polo wives” we were always entertaining or being entertained in our shared circle of friends, as is the custom in Barbados.  Janet was a fabulous cook and hostess,  she had a flair for throwing memorable parties.  She was one of the most positive, talented, industrious and energetic women I ever knew.  She sewed beautifully, making her own outfits, home furnishings and always things for others.  When I was expecting my first child in 1967, she turned up one afternoon with a locally hand-woven basket, beautifully decorated with dainty flounces of blue chiffon and lace, filled with everything I would need to look after changing and bathing the baby - right down to diaper pins.  Yes, pins, for home-made cloth diapers, no Pampers back then! Along with the basket, she had made me a pretty blue hanging holder for stacking folded diapers.  Janet must have had a feeling that my first would be a boy, so chose blue! These I used for all five of my quickly produced family, and they remain vividly in my memories. 

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We had no idea then, in those first blissful years, what lay ahead for both of us.

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In 1973, eighteen years into their marriage, Trevor was involved in a car accident that tragically took his life. He was only 41.  We were shattered by this tragedy and filled with compassion for Jan and her young children.  Our friendship grew in a different and deeper way.  We included each other in whatever was going on.  We admired her courage and resourcefulness as she coped with her grief while working hard to develop her Victoria Florist business.  She operated this from her home in Victoria, St. John - the beautiful new home that she and Trevor had built and moved into shortly before that fatal accident. 

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Several years later when we learned about her Dr. Arthur Miller in Florida and met him, we couldn’t have been happier for her.  They were a beautiful couple.  Art was a real gentle sweetheart and adored “the Bajan lady”  as he liked to refer to her, with a twinkle in his eye.  Art shared Janet’s love of family and Bajan ways of family life. Tony and I became close friends of Art too, and life went on with several happy visits back and forth.  I even remember a time when Art’s son Bret worked for a while with Tony at our family business J.A.K. Archer & Co. Ltd. in Barbados.

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But in 1984, also eighteen years into our own marriage, another cruel twist of fate would suddenly take my own Tony from me and our children.  He suffered a fatal cardiac arrest in our car while I was rushing him for emergency treatment in an asthma attack.  He was just 45.

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By incredible and poignant coincidence, Trevor died on Saturday July 14th 1973, and Tony died on Saturday July 14th 1984.  Janet and I were both widowed when we were only 37 years old.

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Just as Trevor’s sudden death had been a shock to the Barbadian community, so was Tony’s.  Upon hearing the news, Janet and Art took the next plane to Barbados to be with me and my 5 young children.  That first Christmas of 1984, Janet and Art insisted that I come and bring the children to spend the Christmas holidays with them at their Bal Harbor home in Florida, and even extended the invitation to Tony’s parents. He was their only child.  We will never forget their kindness and generosity. To this day, my children remember Janet with utmost love and affection.  My eldest, for whom she made the blue baby basket, summed it up:  “Auntie Janet didn’t have a bad bone in her body”. 

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Janet and I loved to go shopping together in Florida, and often bought the same clothes and accessories, as we had pretty much the same taste.  She took me to all her favourite stores and loved to fool the store attendants that we were sisters - and they believed us!  She loved that game and it brought giggles galore – “bare sport” as she would say!  Well truth be said, we really loved each other like sisters, in every possible way.

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As for me, in 1985 I got married again to someone Janet knew.  David MacKenzie had been married to her cousin, Anne Bayley, sister of Patti Mull who introduced her to Art. Anne had died in December of 1984.  Janet took me shopping for the wedding, helped me select the guipure lace and style for my wedding gown.  She and Art flew to Barbados to be with me on the big day.   During my 22-year marriage to David, we continued our friendships through visits and went on several cruise holidays together.  Janet was always full of fun, and the laughs and adventures we shared, together with our mutual Bajan friends Keith and Angela Melville were epic.  Unfortunately my second marriage ended in divorce, and again Janet and Art flew to Barbados and helped me through the second most difficult phase of my life. 

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A few years after my divorce I remarried and was delighted to introduce my Dutch husband, Meindert van der Meulen, to my dearest of friends, Janet and Art.  They welcomed him with open arms into their homes in Jensen Beach and Hutchinson Island, Florida.  Their home was filled with handcrafted Barbadian mahogany furniture - heirlooms from Janet’s family. We have had wonderful visits with them and their family and our lives have been enriched by their friendship. Where else could I stay and have an African Grey greet me “Good morning, Auntie Valerie”?   

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We miss them dearly and treasure every memory of the laughter and sharing of all the inevitable ups and downs of life.  I settled in the Netherlands with Meindert, and because of the physical distance between us now, I regret that we could not visit Janet and Art as often as we used to when we were living closer to each other.  Janet’s birthday was 24th March, Tony’s was 23rd March – how could we ever forget?  It was one day we always made sure to call each other to celebrate and appreciate our shared life experiences.

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It’s hard to put sixty years of this special friendship into one short story, for there are so many layers and times to remember.  Suffice to say, we were always there for each other, and for this I will always be grateful.  Meindert and I, along with my children Paul, Wayne, Richard, Ingrid and Phil, extend love condolences to all Janet’s family. I shut my eyes and see her beautiful face, hear her laughing, always fun-loving and forever young at heart.  Sleep easy my dearest friend, Janet, you have lived a life of beauty, goodness and kindness that will long be remembered.  Your children will make you proud as they carry on your legacy.  You will always be remembered by everyone who was lucky enough to have known and loved you.  Especially me.

 

Valerie Sheppard – 7 September, 2024